Your Messaging is Transparent – What About Your Listening?

One of my coaching clients, Phillip, mentioned an interesting communication challenge within his team. He has an energetic and intellectually brilliant team member, Brenda, with an abrasive and off-putting communication style. Phillip is working with Brenda on overcoming this challenge, but in the meantime her teammate Jeff can’t separate the message from the messenger and opportunities to learn or improve processes are being lost.

We all have biases that affect what we perceive and how we interact. These biases are like lens filters. Sometimes they make things brighter and more noticeable, as in a shared background or experience making an interview candidate appear more favorable. In Jeff’s case, they make things muddy and more distant.

Upbringing, experiences, opinions of influencers in our lives and the current situation affect which personal filters we put up at any one time. These filters have a valid purpose—to keep us safe. We can quickly decide who is friend or foe and protect our inner self, but that safety comes at the expense of unexplored possibilities.

Listening transparently is not easy. It requires:

• Self-Awareness: Understanding and acceptance of your personal biases and communication style. If you can’t identify the filter, you can’t put it away.
• Confidence: Strong belief in yourself, so that other’s opinions and ideas don’t threaten you.
• Courage: Fearlessness to open yourself up to something you may not want to hear.
• Suspended Judgment: Separating the content of the message from the delivery.
• Practice: Frequent repetition and reminders to improve the quality of your listening skills.

I am a problem solver by nature. When team members approached me with ideas, I used to start spouting off obstacles that would need to be overcome. I’m sure I annoyed and intimidated more than one colleague.

A few years back, I started consciously practicing openness in my listening habits. Even though it took time for my team to catch on, the results were outstanding. The team became more energized and the level of innovation increased considerably.

Start practicing transparent listening. Drop those filters and grab those opportunities.You owe it to yourself.